Newsletter No. 35: THE UNIVERSALLY CONDEMNED CURRENCY OF COCK "...the principle of coercion which doesn't recognize any limitations or inhibitions: the central idea of this principle of boundless coercion is not coercion by itself, but the absence of any limitation whatsoever-moral, political and even physical."-Pyatakov, 1927 "You are dangerous. Dangerous and pornographic and frankly I'm a bit concerned."-Sociologist Richard Scott to Eugene Robinson, 1986 "Some day this war is going to be over." - Lt. Kilgore Well it's already over. It was over before it began. It was over when we saw the world's most handsome man's face. In the mirror. Smiling back at us. Road to Damascus always seems to be the road to perdition. In a fucking handbasket. Which is just fine. As we will stumble around your shop blinded from the ride and stealing what we can get our hands on and despoiling the rest because as bad as we might ever be, and that could be pretty bad, we're still better than the shit that walks behind you, that stalks your streets and your supermarkets, that accretes around the base of baseness. Look, look, our point is this: they call it the New Year but nothing at all has fucking changed even one bit. That is, 1. The Trembling Pre-Op Tranny and her zaftig lover Dani still have not paid our wonderfully patient booking agency TONE DEAF. 2. We're going to the Adult Video News awards, um, on assignment for, uh, www.skullgame.com. 3. The previous two items are in no way connected. THE PEOPLE VS. DANILAND: GIVE 'EM HELL, HAIRY! A ONE-ACT, ONE-MAN PLAY STARING DANI AND OXBOW AND A CAST OF THOUSANDS IN THE STUNNINGLY ACCURATE RENDERING OF HARRY S. TRUMAN'S LAST TROUBLE-FRAUGHT YEARS AS PRESIDENT OF THE USA. OXBOW: Please don't ever email us again. This is a formal request. The breech of which will be viewed as grounds for civil and possibly criminal action. Dani: You and your friends emailing me unsolicited like this is harassment. OXBOW: No it isn't. It becomes harassment if it follows a cease and desist request. As I have done above. Dani: Well it is being saved in a special oxbow situation folder. Encouraging people to email like this is also harassment. OXBOW: This will help you not at all in court. If you were a private citizen engaged in private business, it would be. But you are a promoter and booker (hahahahahahahahahaha....) and therefore open for business. Just like 7-11. You may certainly retain the right to refuse service to anyone. But thus far you have not done so. Dani: Since i recieved [sic] two of these today, i'm assuming it's some sort of stupid campaign...to annoy me into paying money that i do not owe. whatever. that childish behavior will not work- in fact, it makes me less likely to ever do so. any continued harassment is being reported to all my booker friends as well. OXBOW: well we got the idea from your BBQ character assassination threat. Which is also being placed into a Daniland situation file. But hahahahahahah....we asked around about you and have found no fewer than 4 label folks that will absolutely REFUSE to deal with you for precisely the reasons that are being made apparent here. once again: never write us AGAIN. stupid. Dani: look, encouraging people to write me letters that offend, threaten, or annoy just reinforces my point- that at least one member of your band does not know what healthy personal space &[sic] boundaries are. EUGENE: blow me. Dani: Listen, you got one side of a story. period. Leave me alone, and tell anyone else who you may think would like to harass me to do the same. all future emails like this are being saved for any court appearances to prove harassment, got it? www.daniland.com/talent telephone: (510) 301-5741 facsimile: (510) 465-5057 P.O. Box 16158, Oakland, CA 94610 AND THE TRANNY SPEAKS "Well, right now, I am doing two main things. first, I have been on hormone replacement therapy (this includes estrogens and an anti-androgen) for a couple months now. This has had/will have many physical effects on my body. My muscle/fat distribution is becoming more feminine, my breasts are developing, my skin has become softer, my body hair is thinning out, my emotions have become more intense. I also feel a lot more at ease and relaxed - this feeling of calmness has been generally described by transsexuals (both MTFs and FTMs) after beginning hormones."-julia, the trembling tranny thief ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ AFTER THE LAUGHTER, COMES TEARS "That was the best laugh I've had in fucking months re $150. It raised a little tear of acid nostalgia to the corner of my eye. How many times have I smashed a venue's toilets, ripped out pipes or cancelled their account and all outstanding orders with the local brewery before Christmas for the sake of $150 or less. What an insane little world this is. I am writing a pitch for a TV show as an alternate to MTV cribs called INDIE HOLES...'so this is my fridge....it's got a potato...I think...this is my shower...I call this little guy charlie...he lives in the mould and comes out when its too dry...' I saw your head in Wire last week for some live show , I will go back and read it in the shop with the 'this is not a library' sign. Stay well and make sure you get the $130 or that the damage to his/her/its car is worth $260 minimum." -Declan, Dublin PIPE TO THE HEAD: SCORE ONE FOR THE NEGRO "HAHAHA oh man I'm not even 4 paragraphs into this newsletter yet and it's already the best ever. This promoter is pissed that you assaulted her staff and didn't draw anybody. Didn't she realize for one fucking second that she is booking OXBOW??!?! As a promoter it's her fault for not doing her research for 3 reasons. 1) she apparently wasn't aware that OXBOW is prone to these sort of activities when riled. By that I mean assaulting people or 'invading their personal space' 2) that you guys don't draw huge legions of faithful followers to each and every show in the fucking bay area where people are too cool to even go out. 3) that you guys don't promote. Well should you? Is your title PROMOTER? No. It's band. You show up, eat pills, drink, get blow job from groupie, get on stage and send everyone out of the room crying, get paid, get another blow job from groupie. That's a rock band's job description. You post it on your webpage, and that should be enough on your part. If anyone are strictly OXBOW fans they will know and show up. Maybe she should have booked the Ataris as the headlining slot then.--Brian, www.conditionsucks.com ASSHOLES "FUCK! First: you are such an asshole. A harsh, insensitive asshole. Second: I choose to associate with assholes anyday over idiots. Self-righteous, talentless idiots. Have you been to dani's personal site?! Have you been to julia's personal site?! hahahahahahaha is right. Thank you for giving me someone to hate today. Someone who deserves hating.-Jeff Wilson, KFJC ps: violence and threats against women... I'm laughing so hard. EVEN THE FRENCH AGREE "Wow. Dirty story. And I was about to ask you what you thought of my idea of trying to tour the states with my band...Scary. Only the worst corporate arseholes use the argument of 'we're all indie here' to not respect the work, involvement and talent of the bands. You guys rock."-Nico from NED/[email protected] AND THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL "It's Buddah from Bottom of the Hill. You guys have been doing your thing worldwide for years. You do things in an efficient manner, I think. CUT & DRIED, per se. You guys play a very distinct version of dare I call it "music". It is harsh, cold, fire, covered in fuck & piss & you are loved/lauded by TONS of idiot humans everywhere. Some of them are even tolerable, I bet. SOME MAY EVEN HAVE THAT RARE QUALITY-THE "TOTAL PACKAGE"COMMON SENSE/SEX APPEAL/BEAUTIFUL WET PUSSY...you tell me. Can't believe Daniland/TrannySNACK um, dropped the ball(s) so hard like that. They don't promote for shit down there. THEY DON'T PAY ANYONE TO PROMOTE THEIR SHOWS-at all. KUSF, the LIST, barfly scenester scumbags are all that they have for a "street team". WHO COINED THE TERM 'STREET TEAM'? Some fuck who knows a lot about business cards & not much about music & what it can do for & to your soul if you need it/let it. Anyways, I GOT YOUR BACK ANYTIME. You're men of ethics. I'M NOT BLOWIN'SMOKE UP YOUR ASS-EVEN IF YOU ASKED ME TO CUZ I GOT ME A GOOD WOMAN,YO.LATE.-Buddah, BOTH Ps: Ramona had a good laugh over that one... TO: ALL OXBOW NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIBERS From: Dr. Gabriel Ferreira, Institute for Higher Misanthropy Re: Righteousness, the Meting of Justice and All Out Motherfucking Jihad "$150.00. Let's let that sink in for a moment, shall we? $150fucking.00. Christ Almighty... To continue, I am no stranger to the inexplicable. For example, wholesale apathy in the face of the systematic destruction of our culture by the likes of Justin 'Dr. Ferreira, I'm begging you to euthanize me' Timberlake. But that's for another day. Let's cut to the chase. I'm a busy man. This morning my attorneys issued a check in the amount of $300.00, (a figure, you will note, double the original amount heretofore described and owed to Oxbow but to date held hostage by the nefarious, allegedly ugly as sin itself and verifiably sex ambiguous Julia and her knight in shining armor, Dani,) to the Oxbow camp for much needed 'supplies'. You are saying to yourself 'But that's not the point. It's the principle of the thing. Justice cannot go hungry. We must out the scoundrels'. Hear, hear! This sort of egalitarian verve is exactly why you are deemed worthy to receive the Oxbow Newsletter in the first place. That and the fact that you have an e-mail address. But let me explain my actions. In return for this selfless demonstration of support, I am asking you to HUNT THESE PEOPLE DOWN AND EXTRACT THE BALANCE OWED THE MUSICAL ENTITY KNOWN AS OXBOW. A finder's fee, you say? Your business acumen is sterling. I salute you. And so, once the aforementioned monies have been procured, you may DO WITH THEM WHAT YOU LIKE. This includes, but is in no fucking way limited to, SEVERE BEATINGS, RIDICULE OF THE HIGHEST ORDER, FISTFUCKING AND PUBLIC BITCH SLAPPING. Like me, you know we are righteous in our struggles against the dirty little insects of the world. We are the fucking embodiment of Righteousness. Go forth and make right what has been wronged upon our brethren. Make me proud. Make yourself proud. Excelsior, Dr. Gabriel Ferreira Institute for Higher Misanthropy CALLING DR. HOWARD, DR. FINE, DR. HOWARD "Dear Dani, As long as there have been individuals possessing abilities that mark them as different from their peers, in a way that makes rubbing shoulders with them seem an attraction worth parting with personal wealth to procure, there have been parasites that have been eager to do both the talented and the fan wrong. I wouldn't have any qualms with these leeches, if they actually did what their titles proclaim, PROMOTE! But they don't. They stand ineffectually about and act like one of the common mob of fans until the show is over. Then, if there is money to be had, they take the lion's share; if there is none, they blame the talent for NOT PROMOTING THEMSELVES. That's like a lawyer blaming his client behind bars for not defending himself, or a doctor blaming his dead patient for not healing himself. YOU, MY DEAR, ARE A TOTAL CHARLATAN. Whole Enchilada "non-profit record label?" I'm sure it is non profit: for the artists. You, I don't know. Oh, Dani! You and your ilk are the AntiChrist. You are the devourers of the timid artistic soul. Any artist tremulous enough to allow you to "help" him will certainly find his ruin at your hands. The sad thing is, you probably think that you really love "art" and that you are nurturing it. You are a poisoner: a killer of dreams. You prey on the most delicate and rip from them their tender sensibilities. You don't realize that at the level of wrongness that you are dealing there is no MALE of FEMALE. There is no gender at all. You are so above running to the "violence against women" corner in your vampiric exploitative life that you are lucky that you encountered a group of intelligent, ethical, and philosophical gentlemen as OXBOW are. Had I been the artist you wronged, you would not have fared so well--in a world where all are equal, you and I can square off face to face, and I may avenge wrongs in kind. You would do well to realize the gulf that separates you, a common whore, from the ethereal creators of ART. Shame on you, who merely SELL art, and poorly, at that, for thinking that you are in any way on the same plane with those that create it. A pox on you and your lame "Bar-be ques." I hope the lot of you choke to death. --Sincerely, THE DOCTOR STRAIGHT OUT OF SICILY "Hi Dani, How are you? Good, good, good. I was so happy to read about all your upcoming stuff going on; Beast Fest is going to be awesome. I will be coming to exercise my freedom of speech. Aggressively. Throughout the entire evening. Starting with calling you a fat cunt and ending with calling your wife a sasquatch. You will have a hell of a time getting rid of me and the other OXBOW fans in attendance. All 11 of us. You know it's performance art, don't you? You're not going to be a fascist and try to stifle my artistic expression are you? Of course not. I love all you have done for the "Indie" scene. It has all been mighty white of you indeed. You fucking talentless hack. That being said. I'm a huge fan.-Salvatore Russo AND TO A LAWYER FOR THE LAST WORD Wow, another thrilling episode in the oxbow world. I am sincerely confounded by the general public's lack of understanding of the law and the legal system as it presents itself in everyday living. 1. it is apparent that the apparent flurry of emails generated by the $150 contract guarantee re-affirms my aforementioned conclusion. a. a contract is binding unless it is disputed in a court of law. I am not sure how personal contracts work, but if tonedeaf is a 'business', and the local (SF) booker is an also a 'business', then tonedeaf, can bring a case in ohio small claims for the $150. I assume the booker will not show up in ohio, after being legally served with paperwork. The judge will give a default judgment to tonedeaf for $150. The law helps those who help themselves. b. addendums to the contract must be understood by all parties as such(ie the $20 thing). Since Oxbow obviously had no intention of voiding the contract, the $20 offer sounds like an add'l $20. otherwise, verbal contracts are worth as much as the paper they are written on. c. Assault. This is a separate issue. Regardless of an 'assault', the contract is binding, if Eugene, or others' assaulted the promoter, is inconsequential to the fulfillment of the contractual obligations of both parties. Separate issues are actionable separately, and the threat of filing another claim, does not make the earlier claim any less actionable. btw. the threat of a lawsuit on 'assault' charges is blackmail. d. Yes verbal threats and intimidation are assaults. See the link below for a definition, and some good examples. Yes, Eugene had the ability; however intent is tough to prove. The fact that there is no proof of damages, nor has there been any attempts to contact legal authorities to prove damages, the 'victim' would have a very hard time proving that they were in fact assaulted...again.the law helps those who help themselves. http://www.singlesourceservices.com/sssdictionary/fdb.asp?defid=7 2. They teach you in law school that judges are supposed to rule based on the 'intention' of the law, and not on the strict letter of the law. the first thing you learn in law school is that all of the terms used in legal proceedings are 'terms of art'. this means that all of the terms do not have strict meanings in a court of law...hence your mileage may vary. That's why there are appellate courts. a. The intention of the contract between tonedeaf and the booker is to protect the band, the promoter, and the booking agency. I have not read the contract, so I do not know the specifics. I will make the assumptions that the contract uses some generic boilerplate to indemnify all parties against wrongdoing. I assume the contract states something about promotion, as there is much mention of this in the emails. Unless it is specifically spelled out, promotion means nothing. I assume it also states that the band will play at such and such time and for so long. I would assume the band fulfilled their contractual obligations. b. It seems that the booker wants to protect themselves from a 'bad business deal' after the deal is halfway to completion...by the time oxbow shows up at the club, nothing can be done to increase patronage. The law provides very little protection for those who willing enter a contract and then attempt to get out when things are not successful. The promoter is making a rather poor attempt to cover their losses. sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. Most judges see this as 'too bad...so sad'(my new mantra). I assume this booker had done shows at this venue in the past? I also assume they contacted oxbow for the show? whatever. I could go on forever...the bottom line is: promoter owes booking agency $150. booking agency owes oxbow $. the contract is between the booking agency and promoter. Oxbow is an agent of the booking agency, and should not be forced to suffer, and did not agree to void the contract. the real bottom line is: oxbow gets paid. they are unwitting pawns tonedeaf pays oxbow. tonedeaf can seek relief from the promoter. the promoter took a chance. as long as everybody fulfilled their contractual obligations, the contract is valid, regardless of the losses the promoter incurred. again...too bad..so sad. just my 2 cents.-(Name Withheld by Request) WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? DECEMBER 4, 2003 THE EAGLE, SAN FRANCISCO with DMBQ, SUBARACHNOID SPACE, and a coked out opener who we liked but whose name we can't remember Best line of the evening: "How'd you like DMBQ? Hunh?!? Tough act to follow, eh?"-Mason Jones, Charnel Music BEST EXCHANGE OF THE EVENING (overheard by Jeff Wilson and spoken by a couple on their way to DNA who had poked their heads into The Eagle and saw that OXBOW was playing): "Oh. OXBOW. I just heard that their singer beat up some woman in Oakland." Anyways we'll leave the show reportage up to all of the pornographers in attendance that evening. Excerpted from www.skullgame.com "IF HABIB SEZ IT IS SO, THEN IT MUST BE SO... VINNIE ROSE IS A GODDAMNED BADASS There are some things you probably don't know about our very own VINNIE ROSE . Things like when he isn't drowning himself in bottles of mysterious pills and, red wine while watching porn; he is a fucking ROCK STAR. Not in a Peter Frampton or Lionel Ritchie kind of way, but more of a GG Allin and Miles Davis kind of way. You know, the totally genius "I'm never making a fucking dime from this shitty gig" type of way. I recently caught this amputee midget circus freakshow for about the third time. And if you know Vinnie then you know goddamned well that he was happier than a priest in a preschool to be playing a GAY BIKER BAR. What better place is there to get into a fight that you absolutely positively don't want to lose but there? Early in the evening 4 of us stood out side (meanwhile ITALIAN SAL was nowhere to be found, presumably he was in the club looking for a closet within which to sit his broad in) laughing at a sign on the wall. A DRUNKEN SANTA'S HOLIDAY FRENZY party at the leather bar. Genius. Then up pops a head from off in the distance screaming "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?!?!" Like lightning VINNIE "I'm A Fighter, Not A Lover" ROSE is all up in the guy's face excitedly bobbing up and down in that trained fighter stance that if you are NOT a trained fighter and you see, you should run as fast as you fucking can. VINNIE SEZ: EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION ON MACK AVENUE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND YOURSELF WAKING UP MORE THAN ONCE A DAY In this instant the gay biker on acid realized the 4 following things. 1) He has Vinnie FUCKING Rose in his face. 2) That he is starting a fight with 4 guys. 3) That maybe we actually weren't laughing at him. 4) All he needs is a hug. A long passionate hug from each and every one of us. So naturally he Eddie Coatesed out and went back to laying his head on a telephone poll and crying over his lost boyfriend. At that point we really were laughing AT him. Ironic isn't it. Other misc happenings of the night included: 1) some weird old man randomly talking to me about how he knows the leader of the Hell's Angels. 2) Myself going into the port-a-potty (yes that was the bathroom) and pissing all over the toilet paper, all over the seat and all over the floor just to be an asshole. 3) The 4 Ft Fetus and I (and later some 40 year old broad) randomly running into people on purpose and knocking over an estimated $450 worth of drinks. And as always it was a pleasure to to see Vinnie, it was also a pleasure to meet ITALIAN SAL and his broad who further confirmed the genius of SAL'S "FROM THE BOARD ROOM, TO THE BEDROOM, TO THE BATHROOM, TO THE CLOSET" story. So for all of you who don't think we are for real then test us, JUST FUCKING TEST US!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY YELLING? MORE WORD ON THE LARGE SAC'D AND EIGHTH WONDER OF THE FUCKING MODERN WORLD: OXBOW!!! ON THE OXBOW MOVIE: MUSIC FOR ADULTS On sale at www.theoxbow.com/musicforadults "I really liked the film. It conveys the strength and power of the band, obviously in the live settings. For having done this all with one man and one camera it is impressive, to say the least. The film retains a nice gritty, Pennebaker, (whoops - I mean, anti-Pennebaker) feel for the material, allowing the viewer to settle into the world of the band members and then experience the shiny, startling stage exterior from scene to scene. The best music docs do it well and you have achieved it with "Music..." While there were some audio issues, it never seems too bad. And the live stuff all sounds great. Your solid camera work throughout really makes up for a lot. The film, to me is, in so many ways, about contrast and juxtaposition: these really sweet nice guys playing this often scary-ass music, (which then opens up all these other things, like casual backstage talk meets onstage audience member aggression and confrontation with Eugene, etc.) or the whole "glamour" of a touring band (which reminds me of my favorite part where Eugene says that he'd love to be that huge rock star with the coke and the women backstage but that that isn't what Oxbow does). Obviously, Eugene is the film's magnetic fiery center. In his onstage stuff alone you have a film. As we get to know him and his theories, his persona only gains power and complexity. He is riveting throughout. Anyway, it's a fine piece of work. I would love for you to come into my classes and show it. I can usually get a small stipend for your trouble - 1-200 bucks. Let me know if you'd be interested. One last thing: maybe I don't get it, but I have a little trouble with the text on the back of the DVD. I don't think it needs to be sold so short by saying it's a film no one cares about (about a band no one cares about, even). It's a fine and illuminating document and you should not tell the world it's not. Just my two cents.-A Famous Film Professor Whose Name Rhymes with COPPOLA " I GOT THE DVD AWHILE BACK AGO...SINCE THEN I HAVE SEEN IT THREE TIMES. I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE DIRECTING AND HOW IT WAS FILMED. I WISH IT WAS LONGER AND GAVE A MORE PERSONAL LOOK TO EACH OF THE MEMBERS OF OXBOW AND THEIR MUSIC. NOT THAT THE FILM DOES NOT DO THAT, IT DID, BUT IF THEY WOULD ELABORATE MORE. I DON'T KNOW, I'M SURE THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE....WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY, I WISH IT WAS LONGER!!! I LOVED IT!!!-F. RINCON "got a copy of Music For Adults. watched half of it last night. it's been a small while since i last saw the mighty entity known as Oxbow. damn! i was reminded at just how powerful this band is live. simply crushing! Oxbow rules! must see them again soon! (Oxbow should play according to my schedule - daytime events!!!) btw, Nico is a kick-ass rulin' guitar player! seriously, that guy rules the fretboard."--wm. Rage, enterrupted ON THE OXBOW MUSIC Oxbow-An evil Heat-Neurot Recordings Mix elements of jazz, Noise, experimental rock and vocals of a mad man and you may just come close to the brilliance Oxbow creates. This is a more Rocked out version of what bogus Blimp or When does. I know that oxbow have other releases out and with this one I'm on a quest to fine every last one of them. This band is not to be missed by anyone that likes to experiment with their music. http://beautyandpainmagazine.cjb.net/ "HEY GUYS! JUST WANTED TO WRITE TO SAY THAT I'M A HUGE FAN. I'VE ONLY HEARD YOUR LAST TWO ALBUMS, BUT I'M DOING MY BEST AT GETTING MY HANDS ON THE EARLIER STUFF. HARD TO FIND OUT HERE ON THE CANADIAN EAST COAST, HEHEHE. :) BUT SERENADE IN RED IS SO A MIND BLOWING ALBUM. I'VE RECOMMENDED YOU TO A LAST A DOZEN PEOPLE, ALL WHO THINK YOU'RE JUST AS FUCKED AS I DO. IT'S NICE TO HEAR MUSICIANS WHO ARE BOTH TECHNICALLY PROFICIENT AND ORIGINAL... NOT SOMETHING YOU SEE MUCH THESE DAYS. IS THERE A NEW ALBUM IN THE WORKS? S'BEEN ALMOST 2 YEARS AND I THINK YOUR FANS WANT MORE! :) WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. R�MI" "re oxbow Holy shit. "An Evil Heat" does daily battle with "Oceanic" at my house for my favorite 2002 record. I can't think of too many bands that have been around that long that get better with every release." AND BECAUSE WE ARE SO DAMNED HANDSOME: Scroll down and look for the subheading thing "Japanese girl drummers rule" If you click that you find the pics from the show. http://xlfag.com/camera/frames.html NEXT MONTH: OH. YOU KNOW. 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