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Newsletter No 12: CUPID'S COCK!
CONSIDER: HITLER VERSUS CUPID
"Are you really expecting anyone to know what the fuck you're talking about in your Newsletters?" -- James Grell, Relapse Records
"No."
"Well you're on the right track then," says Grell.
The point is, on the verge of this nationally celebrated day of lying and lovers everywhere, SOMEone's got to tell the truth about you. And us.
And so we will.
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Because we're not aiming for obtuseness here. At least not purposefully. We're not trying to redeem or attract through coy posturing, acerbic wit, or ham-handed entreaty. We're aiming for crystal clarity with an arrow that goes right to the heart of whatever it is that matters to us NOW: lust, love, eternal godhead ideation, and mainly, mostly, we mean significantly, Eugene's impending fistfight with Duane Dennison.
But we've heard the whispers. Seen the sidelong stares. Read the queries: why? We wish we knew. We don't. We just don't. It perhaps started with an off-hand insult. A Dennison description of Eugene as "that really contrived guy," for Eugene to develop a serious idee fixee about Mr. Dennison and his need for a beating. We don't understand it as Eugene is usually so thick-skinned, but he explained it thusly: "Well, when I stopped threatening Gary's life [Gary Held at Revolver]... I mean he had given me a useful and significant focus for such a long time... But when that finally passed, I don't know. MY life just felt, empty. Dennison's off-hand comment to my friend and singer for the Manchester band Solar Race allowed me to focus again. I feel much more whole now. And probably will feel even more so AFTER the beating." |
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So it is with great pleasure that we announce that
ONE: OXBOW will be playing at South by Southwest again this year.
And instead of having us play with the ska bands we played with last year we're actually playing a show where people might come.
Craig the bookers quote was. "it'll be packed."
This is OXBOW code for "you will be raped."
Or as Dan succinctly states "the real final plan, which will become apparent in a few
weeks? It'll be: Friday night gig cancelled, Oxbow rebooked to play for
the cleaning staff Donut breakfast Sunday morning before they take down the
trade show booths."
Anyways if you want to see a good fight, it'll be
FRIDAY MARCH 15TH, 8 PM at EMOS' Skin Graft Records Showcase
So while it should be mentioned that we are NOT on Skin Graft, we ARE playing that show.
thusly:
FUCKEMOS
We expect Mr. Dennison to attend and look forward to the fight. It should finally be noted that on several occasions Eugene has said that he "doesn't even have any idea what Dennison looks like. But he's got gray hair. Right?"
Yup. It should be a blast.
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THE TAKERS' 20 REASONS TO PLAY SXSW 2002
The young 'uns that we toured with back in November, The Takers, are ALSO playing South by Southwest and in the full bloom of their youthful enthusiasm they opined that there were indeed 20 REASONS to play SXSW.
We'll share some of them with you now.
"I know that entry 7 would be Eugene's 1 and maybe only, but mine are
in no particular order (perhaps). Also, reason 21, "to play to the
cleaning staff at Dunkin Donuts on a Sunday morning" was woefully
dropped at the last minute."--Nick Blakey, The Takers
01) To play Austin, Texas |
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Nick is, in fact, wrong.
There aren't 20 reasons to leave the HOUSE much less play SXSW. Even the allure of the corpulent mega-ton'd fuckage of Texas heifers is not enough for us to leave home and hearth. But in the spirit of Me-Too'ism we offer
OXBOW's 20 REASONS TO PLAY SXSW 2002
01) to shoot up the club with an AR-15 right after we play so we can say that we headlined.
and finally
05) to get our hands on some good ol' Mex-can her-o-en
Yeah, boy. Tha's some good stuff.
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WE'VE BEEN NAUGHTY NAZIS!
"Do you realize that you are in the presence of the greatest German of all time?" -- Adolph Hitler, Architect, Fuhrer, Serial Coprophiliac
"Most people who espouse such convictions, running contrary to the reality perceived by their fellows, have been quickly put away in large, purpose-built hospitals to save them from their own delusions. But this wasn't a true delusion: it was more a form of extraordinarily positive thinking..." -- Hugh Thomas, Author of The Murder of Adolph Hitler
And so it goes that we plan for OXBOW'S EUROPEAN CAMPAIGN 2002.
We'll do the north of Europe (Scandinavia, Belgium, The Netherlands, Germany and England) in May 2002. We'll do the south of Europe (Italy, Spain, France) in the Fall.
Simple right.
Except, like Tina Turner says, nothing we do is simple.
Or as Marie-Claire Cordat, performance artist, Lyons, France resident, and daughter of a professional cat strangler notes: "it is cold. I am sick. And poor. I just bought a coffin box for my father. OXBOW's music is the only thing keeping me alive."
More on this later (More detailed questions about the tour can be directed to [email protected]).
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OXBOW'S "AN EVIL HEAT" Release: March 5th or March 19th? WE HAVE NO GODDAMNED IDEA!
Eugene went over to Neurot the other day to okay the lyrics that are naturally late (our fault, not the label's) and threatening to delay the release date and standing inside the door talking to label Queen Kristin Von Till, he heard the key playing in the lock only to have the door open and label King Steve Von Till to be found standing on the other side of it.
Steve's look was a priceless piece of transitory genius, moving from "ho boy...am I glad to see my wife!" to "shit, what the fuck does THIS mean? Eugene in my fucking goddamned living room!"
It was pure genius.
Yeah, we imagine that's the last thing we want to see as well: a member of OXBOW in our living rooms. But the artwork looks great, the lyrics are spelled the way we and God intended, the disk sounds fine and the record will be out in March. Until then we get letters like the following from OXBOW's numbah 1 (#1) fan in Chicago. The Mad Pole, Robert I.
"32 DAYS TO AN EVIL HEAT TO BE RELEASED!!! 5 INCHES OF SNOW FEEL DOWN
WITHIN LAST 24 HOURS IN CHICAGO AND IT'S STILL RED AND TASTES LIKE
BLOOD???" -- Robert I.
Robert? Throw the fucking bodies out in the street, goddamn it. This ain't fucking Poland?!?! Okay?!? We don't keep our bodies INside in America. Nor do we use them for meat or firewood! Throw them out on the highway, preferably the Pulaski, and be done with it.
We get ONE of these EVERY day. Damn. We love Robert.
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HAPPY, SHINY NEGROES
From Professor Thomas Marshall's "American History," 1930:
"Although he was in a state of slavery, the Negro of plantation days was usually happy. He was fond of the company of others and liked to sing, dance, crack jokes, and laugh; he admired bright colors and was proud to wear a red or yellow bandanna. He wanted to be praised, and he was loyal to a kind master or overseer. He was never in a hurry, and was always ready to let things go until the morrow. Most of the planters learned that not the whip, but loyalty, based upon pride, kindness, and rewards, brought the best returns."
Damn straight!
NEXT MONTH: New OXBOW t-shirts, new OXBOW t-shirts models, new record release date, new drugs, new OXBOW-approved line of porno digital porno movies entitled "Get in the Fucking Van!" Series, new parole officer. Stay tuned.
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