Tour Diary: 1995 > Page 4

Hamburg

This is the city that destroyed Pete Best, the Beatles former drummer. The club has refused to put our Big Dick Oxbow poster up, so the show has no publicity AND we are competing with our homestate friends Crash Worship AND Dick Dale. With no publicity and that kind of competition we are fucked.

We play to about 40 people and though we play well we want to kill the promoter.

They charge us a 19% unification tax as well so we leave Hamburg with our anuses feeling a little raw and used.



 

Basel

Greg from Plainfield cooks us a big ass breakfast (fruhstuck) with steaks and eggs and sausage and melons and potatoes and I love the guy for doing this. I shit like a cannon straight up to show time. We stay at Manuel's place and having a room alone I jerk off like I just discovered my dick. The show is good. And we're off to Bern.

Bern

Her: Most women like to kind of KNOW a guy a little before we see his penis.

Niko: Oh.

Another penis problem town...the only women having a problem with it are curiously from San Francisco though...strange and a little pre-DICK-table....I should stop while I'm ahead.

Schwenningen

I love this fucking place place. Tomas, Markus and the very tall guy from Stuttgart who's name I can't remember now come to this show. The folks from Visions magazine (they're sponsoring the tour) are there as well. We play well...the audience is very, uh, INVOLVED in the show from the women making out with each other up front to the men making out with each other up front to the guy's whose head I played the fucking bongos on to Toni Schifer, promoter and Crippled Dick label guy, who earns the prize for the Big Ugly American Laugh of the Night when he, looking for the switch to turn off the house lights says to us, sounding like Arnold Schwarzennegger, 'Der ist no MAA-STER POW-AH!' We are still laughing. He is a great guy and can only guess at the amusement he afforded us.



 

Nurnberg

Next to last show.
We all fall madly and deeply in love with the barmaid at the LGB club where we played.
We agree to fight each other for her. I guiltily take her picture as we leave and secretly masturbate to it.

Belgium

This country has perpetrated a mass fraud on the rest of the world and I'm highly pissed off at my complete inability to find BELGIAN WAFFLES. FUCK THIS FUCKING COUNTRY. We go to a restaurant and the waiter spends 10 fucking minutes describing the things to me and when I ask for one he says 'we don't have any now...maybe later.' THAT'S WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES YOU BELGES....Now that I think of it I couldn't get a frankfurter in Frankfurt, a hamburger in Hamburg, French Fries in France or Swiss cheese in Switzerland....we know the rest of the world LAUGHS at Americans but just wait until you come here and try to get a Denver Omeletter....haha, you're fucked friends. Oh yeah, the show was good.



 

Amsterdam

We left your beautiful lives and came back to ours and six months later we're working on our new record and looking forward to shitting on all of your sidewalks again next spring.



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